so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
