Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
