I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
