Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
