He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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