I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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