how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
