The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
