oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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