Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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