She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
