So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
