we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
