the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
