Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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