I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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