Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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