I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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