I look better un-naked...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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