Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
