so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need help removing her.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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