she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
