got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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