Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
