Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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