we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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