..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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