guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
