dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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