I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
