she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
