While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
