i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
