**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
