haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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