if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
