They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Found the puke drawer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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