i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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