i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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