we're chasing vodka with high fives
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
