Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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