spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
