who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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