Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
