Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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