Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
