sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
