why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
