I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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