i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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