That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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